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Belfast Earthquake AT
09:54 ON FRIDAY 25th OCTOBER 2002 A MAJOR EARTHQUAKE MEASURING
4.8 ON THE RICHTER SCALE EPICENTERED ON BELFAST. The
Earthquake decimated the area, causing approximately £25 worth of damage, with
the exception of the Glenbryn / Ardoyne area, where approx., £400,000 of
improvements were made. Untold
disruption and distress was caused: Many
were woken well before their giro arrived Several
priceless collections of mementos from Turkey and Three
areas of historic and scientifically significant litter were disturbed. Victims
can be seen wandering aimlessly muttering: "here's
me, sumbuddy roll a fu*kin spliff, will the!!?" "Here
mmmmate, gonn gizza fegg an a swig a yer Cider, will ya?". The
cone fell off the head of the statue of King William of Orange outside the
Stormont. That of his horse, Buckme, managed to remain on the horse's head,
albeit at a bit of a dodgy angle. Thousands
are confused and bewildered, trying to come to terms with the fact that
something other than political nonsense has happened in Belfast One
resident, Gillian Girvan-Taylor-Atkinson, a 17 year old mother-of-three said
"It was such a shock, little Chelsea-Fairybell came running into my bedroom
crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Shauni slept through it. I was still
shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning." Apparently
though, looting and joyriding did carry on as normal.. The
British Red Cross have so far managed to ship 4000 crates of Buckfast
Tonic Wine to the area to help the stricken masses. Rescue
workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities
of personal belongings including benefit books and jewellery from Elizabeth Duke
at Argos. HOW
YOU CAN HELP Clothing
is most sought after. Items
required include: - *
Sovereign rings *
Baseball caps *
Shell suits *
Tesco two stripe trainers *
White socks *
Chunky gold chains Food
parcels may be harder to put together but are necessary all the same. Required
foodstuffs include: - *
Frozen burgers *
Buckfast *
Deep fried Mars Bars *
Buckfast *
Golden Wonder crisps (Cheese and Onion and Prawn Cocktail preferred) *
Buckfast *
Tripe and Onions *
Buckfast *
Black, White, Fruit or Red Pudding *
Buckfast *
Fray Bentos Pies *
Old English Cider *
Buckfast *
Lard *
Ready-cut Potato Chips *
Lard *
Buckfast uys
chips, scraps and an 'E' - for a family of four can
take a family to Antrim for the day, where children can sniff glue and spike up
among the national collection of stinging nettles. 22p
buys a biro for filling in a spurious compensation claim. 5
buys an "All Day" bus ticket to enable disaster victim travel between
the Bru, the Post Office, the Offy, McDonalds, Big W, and Botanic Gardens or
Cavehill for the refugees garden party. Please
send your credit card number and a sample signature. THIS
APPEAL IS MADE ON BEHALF OF THE BELFAST EARTHQUAKE VICTIMS FUND
BY THE COLLAPSING EXECUTIVE AND CITY OF BELFAST COUNCIL.
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