New Recruit for the Police!
Who's Sorry Now?
09:54 ON FRIDAY 25th OCTOBER 2002 A MAJOR EARTHQUAKE
4.8 ON THE RICHTER SCALE EPICENTERED ON BELFAST.
Earthquake decimated the area, causing approximately £25 worth of damage, with
the exception of the Glenbryn / Ardoyne area, where approx., £400,000 of
improvements were made.
disruption and distress was caused:
were woken well before their giro arrived
priceless collections of mementos from Turkey and
areas of historic and scientifically significant litter were disturbed.
can be seen wandering aimlessly muttering:
me, sumbuddy roll a fu*kin spliff, will the!!?"
mmmmate, gonn gizza fegg an a swig a yer Cider, will ya?".
cone fell off the head of the statue of King William of Orange outside the
Stormont. That of his horse, Buckme, managed to remain on the horse's head,
albeit at a bit of a dodgy angle.
are confused and bewildered, trying to come to terms with the fact that
something other than political nonsense has happened in Belfast
resident, Gillian Girvan-Taylor-Atkinson, a 17 year old mother-of-three said
"It was such a shock, little Chelsea-Fairybell came running into my bedroom
crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Shauni slept through it. I was still
shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning."
though, looting and joyriding did carry on as normal..
British Red Cross have so far managed to ship 4000 crates of
Tonic Wine to the area to help the stricken masses.
workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities
of personal belongings including benefit books and jewellery from Elizabeth Duke
YOU CAN HELP
is most sought after.
required include: -
Tesco two stripe trainers
Chunky gold chains
parcels may be harder to put together but are necessary all the same.
foodstuffs include: -
Deep fried Mars Bars
Golden Wonder crisps (Cheese and Onion and Prawn Cocktail preferred)
Tripe and Onions
Black, White, Fruit or Red Pudding
Fray Bentos Pies
Old English Cider
Ready-cut Potato Chips
chips, scraps and an 'E' - for a family of four
take a family to Antrim for the day, where children can sniff glue and spike up
among the national collection of stinging nettles.
buys a biro for filling in a spurious compensation claim.
buys an "All Day" bus ticket to enable disaster victim travel between
the Bru, the Post Office, the Offy, McDonalds, Big W, and Botanic Gardens or
Cavehill for the refugees garden party.
send your credit card number and a sample signature.
APPEAL IS MADE ON BEHALF OF THE BELFAST EARTHQUAKE VICTIMS
BY THE COLLAPSING EXECUTIVE AND CITY OF BELFAST COUNCIL.
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